A Hellscape of Their Own Making
For the sake of a tall tale, I am imagining that a few friends and I were enjoying a Comet Ping Pong pizza pie one sunny afternoon in 2016 when a disheveled 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch, from Salisbury, N.C, entered the pizza parlor and announced he was investigating credible rumors of a pedophile and sex-trafficking ring being operated from Comet’s basement by Hilary Clinton and an alliance of degenerate Democrats.
To underscore the seriousness of his intentions, Welch brandished his AR-15 and fired a few shots into the ceiling. Before Welch drew his pistol from his waist band, all of us in the restaurant disappeared faster than you could say “pepperoni.” One of Comet’s employees quickly called 911, and the furor subsided with the rapid response of the police. Welch backed out of the restaurant with his hands above his head. He was ultimately convicted and sentenced to four years in prison by Judge Ketangi Brown Jackson.
Sadly, news coverage never reported Welch’s startled reactions to his investigation, like:
“Whoa! Where the hell is Hilary Clinton?”
“Where is that doggone basement where they rape and murder children?”
“Uh oh! they don’t even have a basement!”
“Where is that degenerate army of horned and cloven-footed democrats?”
“Dang, I think I made a big mistake.”
Of course, the wild theories didn’t end at Comet’s Ping Pong Pizza. Q-Anon took life from “Pizzagate” and flourished. Significantly, the swelling ferocity of MAGA’s commitment to uncovering sex trafficking and pedophilia scandals was fueled by Trump.
Now, however, Trump’s refusal to expose the Epstein evidence has generated the sort of MAGA disillusionment Edgar Welch may have experienced when his pizza parlor “investigation” fell flat.
In short, those now-jaded MAGA faithful have realized there was never a Hilary Clinton cabal, no Democratic pizza parlor sex trafficking ring. The pedophile ring scandal languishes where it has always been.
In plain sight.
In the person of convicted child rapist and sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein, and his close friend and secret keeper, Donald Trump.